01.03.06:
“i will remember you,
will you remember me?”
sarah mclaughlan
Its been years since i last heard your deep soft voice warmly telling me stories- despite the cold winter weather-’99 was after all one of the coldest years in your state’s history.
lts been ages since i received your last message- but i still remember a word or two,perhaps more than i would care to admit.
I have gone to grad school, been in law shool for 4 years, done 6 months of bar review, took the bar and passed it, appeared in courts and made tons of pleadings but i still remember conversations we had, the names we used to call each other-i as the judge & you as counsel,that infamous ” insan” and yes, the “M” word as a term of endearment- like it just happened last month, or last monday.
I remember our history like it was yesterday-more vivid & alive than all the lectures i have heard since you vanished out of sight and left without a trace.
Its been a while since i last wondered whether there reallywas a YOU. Its been longer since i last day deam of running into you- inside a mall, or @ a Starbucks counter, and my all time favorite-at a Higher Rock sunday service.
lts been years since God asked me to give up on the idea of you and me finding each other and eventually ending up with each other and it was anything BUT easy.
Its been really a slow time for the reality to really hit me: you’re not real…but for years,yes,perhaps even as i write this-i held on to the idea of you, because you are all i ever would want the Lord to give as my half-if only you have been His, if only you are His- if there really was YOU in the first place.
But i remember you, especially on this date, when we found each other amidst the noise & chatter of a crowded room seven long years ago .. l remember you & i am warped in a time zone where my heart begins to pound like my chest can’ t contain it as you & i chalk for hours about nothing & everything.
I remember you and i smile at how pathetic and silly i still can be- law degree and all that crap society attach to the added four letters(and a dot haha) before my name…i remember you and i thank God for sparing me a more tragic ending other than a lovelorn heart.
l remember you enough to last me a lifetime. It is high time to place you were you belong-in my closed book somewhere deep in my memory…
But sometimes, i ask myself, if indeed you are real, if you are indeed true , do you sometimes pause and stop walking along wall street & remember me too???
