“The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.”
Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Tuesday last was our I Kissed Dating Goodbye series in our growing Earthen Vessels cell group.
Joshua Harris’ book brings a lot of memories to me. I praise God that I was able to read his books because they are a source of godly wisdom to me in a very important area of anyone’s life- the need for an intimate, fulfilling relationship with someone we love.But with that disclaimer gone, a lot of bad memories haunt me. These are memories brought about by my actions pre Joshua, and whenever I remember them, I wish that Joshua’s book was published when I was 18 hehehe.
So now that I am a thirty something woman who is more concerned with what God is doing in my career, I was amused by the idea of going over this wonderful book. I thought my cell servant must have Boy Meets Girl in her mind when she announced this series-considering that most of us in her cell really do not practice pointless, meaningless dating.But as always, God proved me wrong because the series we are having goes beyond reminding us of the fitfalls of just falling head over heels in love with someone without matching the feeling with the level of commitment that should accompany the same. No, the series is actually dealing with us where it hurts: the deceitfulness of our hearts: our sinful motives, desires and pride revealed in our principles re Christian dating and in undating the Christian guys who may want to be given a chance with us.
Last night I once again revisited the pain of saying no to the proposal from the boy from nyc because he does not share my faith in Christ and the way i chickened out in not explaining him that that was THE reason I cannot be in a relationship with him. That was one of my darkest moments as God’s child since, at that moment, I effectually renounced my affiliation with Christ because I was more concerned with how he will see me if he finds out I am born again…in fact, in the first place, I should not have led him on (well, obviously, my obstinate heart is slow to learn) but that is an altogether different blog entry.
Indeed, we believers carry a lot of baggage (if not garbage) from our past into this new Christian life that God so graciously enables His children to live. Apart from the grace of God and His propitiation of our sins, we would spend a lifetime on our own, using our own means atoning for them and still won’t be able to get rid of the guilt or the regret or find forgiveness….ah, the joy of God’s forgiveness! It is one of the many wonders (if not miracles) of a faith based solely on God’s Word.
So I was wrong- IKDG is applicable to me despite the fact that I am 31 and should know better. The Lord issued out a warning last night by revealing to me my propensity of making the wrong choices- of wanting intimacy with someone too little too soon, of wanting to engage in a deeper friendship without really wanting to be married to my Christian brother, of being floored with free movie tickets and dinner and free rides home- and my subtle albeit sinful “abilities” in making them all happen.
Though I still believe that my calling is to be a wife, I know in my heart that I am absolutely not yet a Proverbs 31 woman…. I am not really ready to give a level of commitment to last a lifetime. So seriously, I have no business wanting to be in close friendships and hanging out on harmless dates with male friends-Christians or not.
To outsiders, this declaration maybe seen as foolishness- making much ado about nothing, sorta Ben Affleck’s reaction in the tv show where he and Joshua appeared in. But he and millions like him makes IKDG’s biblical principles logical if not THE only choice-meaningless dating may be fun but like a hang over, it often leaves a bitter taste, even to the hardest of hearts- this should be especially true to believers who profess undying devotion and obedience to God and His ways. And I am no prude talking about something I have no idea about.
Considering that the God of the Bible is a loving, joyful, planning, intimate, personal God, I know that He has ordained love and romance and intimacy to be enjoyed by couples in love-but not while they are going out on dates or just hanging out or worse, hooking up…these things are to be enjoyed by couples who have committed themselves to spending an eternity with each other- in marriage. That is God’s context in inventing intimacy and commitment.
For the rest of us who are still single, His will is palpable in the writings of the wisest man who ever lived: Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. (Songs of Solomon 3:5)When it comes to the affairs of the heart, we must rise above the world’s pleasure principle of if it feels good/if it makes you happy, just do it. As I have personally learned, falling in love when it is not the right time or with the right person has only one ending: a loud thud and a broken heart, and if you’re a Christian, a strained relationship with the loving Father who warns us and sets up standards for our good-and not to torture us.(Jeremiah 29:11).
Why risk losing a piece (or a million little pieces) when you can give it completely to someone who is there to catch you- though you are falling together at the same time? 
